Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. In work, Sometimes you have to give up the task and move on to something that's more productive.
As to the case of being a so-called 'people-pleaser', you might want to make everyone around you to be happy, and you might do whatever is asked of you. People-pleasers yearn for outside validation. Their personal feeling of security and self-confidence is based on getting the approval of others.
But not at all times being a people-pleaser can actually help you, specially at work. Here are some tips to let you know when to give and when to stop.
1. Realize you have a choice.
People-pleasers often feel like they have to say yes when someone asks for their help. Remember that you always have a choice to say no.
2. Set your priorities.
Knowing your priorities and values helps you put the brakes on people-pleasing. You know when you feel comfortable saying no or saying yes. Ask yourself, “What are the most important things to me?”
3. Stall.
Whenever someone asks you for a favor, it’s perfectly OK to say that you’ll need to think about it. This gives you the opportunity to consider if you can commit to helping them. (Also important is to ask the person for details about the commitment.)
You might want to ask yourself: “How stressful is this going to be? Do I have the time to do this? What am I going to give up? How pressured am I going to feel? Am I going to be upset with this person who’s asking?”
If the person needs an answer right away, your automatic answer can be no. That’s because once you say yes, you’re stuck. By saying no automatically, you leave yourself an option to say yes later if you’ve realized that you’re available. And you’ve also gotten it off your must-do or don’t-want to do list.”
4. Set a time limit.
If you do agree to help out, limit your time frame. Let the person who is asking that you only have specific time for the favor.
5. Consider if you’re being manipulated.
Sometimes, people are clearly taking advantage of you, so it’s important to watch out for manipulators and flatterers. How do you spot them? Often the people who flatter you will say [statements like], ‘Oh you’re so good at baking cakes, would you make a cake for my child’s birthday?’ or ‘I don’t know how to put this bookcase together, but you’re so handy, can you help me out?’”
A classic line is “Nobody does this better than you do”. Also, these people will either coax you into doing something or try to tell you what your availability is or what your time frame is. Basically, before you know it, they make the decision for you.
6. Create a mantra.
Figure out a mantra you can say to yourself to stop you from people-pleasing. It can even be a visual as simple as a big “No” flashing when a certain friend who “can always talk you into something” approaches you.
7. Say no with conviction.
The first no to anyone is always the hardest.. But once you get over that first bump, you will be well on your way to getting off the yes treadmill. Also, remember that you’re saying no for good reasons. You get time for yourself and for the people you really want to help..
8. Use an emphatic assertion.
Some people initially think that being assertive means stepping all over people. But actually, assertiveness is really about connection.
Using an emphatic assertion means that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes as you assert yourself. So you let the person know that you understand where they’re coming from, but unfortunately, you can’t help. People need to feel heard and understood, and this is a respectful way of asserting yourself and saying no.
9. Consider if it’s worth it.
When asserting yourself, ask yourself, “Is it really worth it?” It’s probably not worth it to tell your boss about his annoying habit, but it is worth it to tell your friend that you can’t do lunch because you’re super busy.
10. Don’t give a litany of excuses.
It’s tempting to want to defend your decision to say no to someone so they understand your reasoning. But this actually backfires. As soon as you start explaining, you give the other person lots of wiggle room to come back and say, ‘Oh, you can do that later,’ ‘You can adjust your schedule’ or ‘That’s not as important as what I’m asking.’
We live in this world not to please everyone, we live in this world to to be there for our family, friends and loved-ones.
As to the case of being a so-called 'people-pleaser', you might want to make everyone around you to be happy, and you might do whatever is asked of you. People-pleasers yearn for outside validation. Their personal feeling of security and self-confidence is based on getting the approval of others.
But not at all times being a people-pleaser can actually help you, specially at work. Here are some tips to let you know when to give and when to stop.
1. Realize you have a choice.
People-pleasers often feel like they have to say yes when someone asks for their help. Remember that you always have a choice to say no.
2. Set your priorities.
Knowing your priorities and values helps you put the brakes on people-pleasing. You know when you feel comfortable saying no or saying yes. Ask yourself, “What are the most important things to me?”
3. Stall.
Whenever someone asks you for a favor, it’s perfectly OK to say that you’ll need to think about it. This gives you the opportunity to consider if you can commit to helping them. (Also important is to ask the person for details about the commitment.)
You might want to ask yourself: “How stressful is this going to be? Do I have the time to do this? What am I going to give up? How pressured am I going to feel? Am I going to be upset with this person who’s asking?”
If the person needs an answer right away, your automatic answer can be no. That’s because once you say yes, you’re stuck. By saying no automatically, you leave yourself an option to say yes later if you’ve realized that you’re available. And you’ve also gotten it off your must-do or don’t-want to do list.”
4. Set a time limit.
If you do agree to help out, limit your time frame. Let the person who is asking that you only have specific time for the favor.
5. Consider if you’re being manipulated.
Sometimes, people are clearly taking advantage of you, so it’s important to watch out for manipulators and flatterers. How do you spot them? Often the people who flatter you will say [statements like], ‘Oh you’re so good at baking cakes, would you make a cake for my child’s birthday?’ or ‘I don’t know how to put this bookcase together, but you’re so handy, can you help me out?’”
A classic line is “Nobody does this better than you do”. Also, these people will either coax you into doing something or try to tell you what your availability is or what your time frame is. Basically, before you know it, they make the decision for you.
6. Create a mantra.
Figure out a mantra you can say to yourself to stop you from people-pleasing. It can even be a visual as simple as a big “No” flashing when a certain friend who “can always talk you into something” approaches you.
7. Say no with conviction.
The first no to anyone is always the hardest.. But once you get over that first bump, you will be well on your way to getting off the yes treadmill. Also, remember that you’re saying no for good reasons. You get time for yourself and for the people you really want to help..
8. Use an emphatic assertion.
Some people initially think that being assertive means stepping all over people. But actually, assertiveness is really about connection.
Using an emphatic assertion means that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes as you assert yourself. So you let the person know that you understand where they’re coming from, but unfortunately, you can’t help. People need to feel heard and understood, and this is a respectful way of asserting yourself and saying no.
9. Consider if it’s worth it.
When asserting yourself, ask yourself, “Is it really worth it?” It’s probably not worth it to tell your boss about his annoying habit, but it is worth it to tell your friend that you can’t do lunch because you’re super busy.
10. Don’t give a litany of excuses.
It’s tempting to want to defend your decision to say no to someone so they understand your reasoning. But this actually backfires. As soon as you start explaining, you give the other person lots of wiggle room to come back and say, ‘Oh, you can do that later,’ ‘You can adjust your schedule’ or ‘That’s not as important as what I’m asking.’
We live in this world not to please everyone, we live in this world to to be there for our family, friends and loved-ones.
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